There's a "corridor sale" today to benefit the Home for Abandoned Handicapped children...I'll go see if they have a good deal on a new stove during my lunch hour...we have been browsing for weeks at other places, so I know that the lowest price we've found so far is $170....I'll take $170 with me, that way, if the price is the same, then at least it'll go to the children (our company is a huge sponsor of this home...it is one of the few charities for which you can set up an automatic payroll deduction with the company!...and, I have seen the work they do, it really is great!) www.fhp.org.sv/fhp/ if you want to visit their page!...
I hope I can find what I need!
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They only had electric stoves I want a gas one - they are cheaper, and the gas is cheaper than electricity, too!... back to the old quotes that we had!! - because I want this resolved THIS weekend!!

I bought it right away, because the moment I saw it I thought: GB!...It's one of those card/photo displayers that have a little clippy thing?? ...the base is in the shape of a flip-flop...striped, with bright pink, blue and green...she ADORES shoes, so I know it'll be perfect for her! (las year I gave her a mini-calendar that featured a different shoe for each month!)....the best part? It cost $1.80!!! (she knows my presents are more symbolic than anything else this year!...just a gesture to say: I love you and thik of you!...) AND, I found some (very) old Xmas cards (all the leftovers from the ones we bought with ex-hubby over the years...blank insides!!)...so I'll add a card to my presents this year!

Found a tub of Legos at $9.99...of course, those are "real" Legos...I can get construction bricks of unknown brand for about $6.00....they are good, they actually fit with Lego-brand bricks and, half of them'll end up lost and/or chewed up anyway, so....I also looked at stuff for the house (found a nice garlic-bread plate at $6.00...of course, given that we almost never make garlic bread....) and I found beautiful cloth placemats at $2.50 each (think I can get cheaper ones at the Indian market...and hand made!)...I found some of the project managers at the same dept store...looking into buying a ping-pong table ($209)...I tried to get the salesman to throw in a the racquets, but I don't know what happened after that, because I had to leave to go pay my store card ($30)...I would like to keep a store card, but I'm undecided on whether to keep this one (expensive if you have balance on it, but, the store is within walking distance to my office, it has several other stores at convenient locations and, there's no annual membership fee and, if your acct shows a $0 balance, there are no "handling fees" or charges...) ...I'd have to investigate the other stores and see what their store cards are like (of course, I also have to look into NOT keeping any store cards!)..

OH, and I didn't actually BUY anything at the store...just made a payment.

I left for my walk at 6:00am...my niece has to be at school at 7:00am (she's supposed to be on vacation, but she flunked several subjects so now has to go to "summer" school - yes, it is dry season here!)...so my sister needs to leave at 6:20 am tops...she did!...she thought I had taken my daughter with me and just left! ...Ale was asleep and didn't notice (thank God!) and, when I came home at 6:30, I didn't see the car and thought my sis had taken her, but, when I went upstairs and passed in front of the girls' room - after stretching and drinking a glass of water - I saw a foot emerging from underneath the blankets!!...my sister didn't even notice she had left my daughter alone!!..she's only 5!!!
So, we made an agreement: I'll go for my walk at 5:50 and be back at 6:20....but, if I'm not, she's taking Ale with her!, if not, I'm allowed to kill her (my sis) when she comes back!...honest, some days...I REALLY have to pray for patience!!

Thanks for the encouragement, Laura!!

I want to lose 5lbs (in reality, I'd need to lose 15lbs to be at my ideal weight!), so I'm setting small goals of 5lbs...I started walking today...I hope I can turn this into a habit...I got up at 6:00am (sooo NOT me!) and went walking for 30 minutes...must have walked about 4 Kms) ...Also, sis and I have planned lighter dinners (soup and sandwiches), which should help both our budget and our waistline! (the only one exempt from this will be my daughter!)...If I can continue with this habit until Dec 15th, I'm buying myself a new pair of sweatpants - I only have 1 pair! - that'll be my "reward"...
I have done well so far - no aches, I stretched both before and after walking...I expect to get a "nap attack" a la Garfield at about noon, though! ...
I packed my lunch today: left over spaghetti and some tomatoes in olive oil and basil...yummy! can't wait for lunch time! - I'm not really hungry, but I can almost taste those tomatoes already!!

Went to the movies with Alejandra on Sunday...she wanted to see the Legend of Zorro - and watching Antonio Banderas for 1 1/2 hours is not precisely painful for me! LOL! - we go to the matinee becuase it costs $2.30/ticket, as opposed to going in the afternoon, when I'd pay $3.50 for myself and $2.50 for her....we bought a small soda and small popcorn...I snuck the chocolates from home! LOL!...so we spent $6.40...then we went for a short stroll in the shopping mall, to see the decorations (they're starting to put them up already!)...I let her go into a store and try on shoes (just to try them on, not buying, ok?)...I just bought her two pairs and she doesn't need anymore at the moment...although, the way she's growing lately...who knows!

Right now I'm Xmas browsing...today I saw some beautiful picture frames at $2.49 that would be great for 2 of my friends...I also know -finally- what I want to get my niece....she says she wants an organizer for her beads and, I will get one of those organizers for nails and screws that they sell at the hardware store (about $1) and will buy some beads to fill it...she buys hers at the mall, where they are really expensive and, I think I can get them a lot cheaper downtown, so I could have her present for about $5...
Last time I went downtown I found Winnie-the-Pooh character slippers at $3.50 and bought some: my sis gets Tigger ones (for her b-day, though, which is Dec 15, so I still have to look for something for Xmas!)....my best friend gets Pooh ones...my friend in the US even gets a pair of Eyeore ones! (I just couldn't resist them!)...DD was almost in tears so I bought a pair for her (for immediate wear)...Piglet ones...and, they have solved the eternal problem of her going barefoot around the house! ....I saw a beautiful nightable lamp for about $5, which I liked for myself....hmmmm, wonder if it gives out enough light to read by...I might get one for my sis if it does!...
The most difficult present is my cousin...she likes personal presents (nothing for the house, for example)...I know she loooves sweets and chocolates...but she's diabetic!!...hmmm, I might have something there...she has to buy her clothes at special stores or at the maternity sections of stores because she's 1.60m and weights 190 lbs...like me, the perfumes she likes are expensive ($60+ a bottle)...plus, she's the one that TAKES me downtown, so I really cannot shop for her present while she's with me!...I also have to find a present for my nephew (her son)...for my nephew that is now living in the US, I think I'll get a book on how to draw "manga", which has always attracted him and it is something for which he has a lot of talent...
For my daughter, I have bought already a short/shirt set and a Princess nightgown...I need a book (I ALWAYS give her a book!) and a toy...and I have just learned that the co-op is NOT giving toys this year, and that is generally my "Santa" gift for her!...she also gets a toy from the company I work for - which they hand out at the children's party, so there's no opportunity to "disguise" it as anything but the toy from the company mascot!...
Oh, well, I had already advised her I might have only enough money for ONE toy anyway...I'm leaning towards getting her a scooter, which my cousin can get for me at $15....
Still undecided as to what to get for myself...
My goal this year is to have the Xmas festivities cost no more than $250....and that includes the nanny's Xmas bonus and gift! - last year I spent $191 in total!, but, this year everything is more expensive and, the nanny "jumps" into the next bracket for her "aguinaldo"due she now has been with us for 5 years (the brackets go by Less than 1 year, 1-3 years, 3-5 years, 5-10 and 10+....

If I can manage to keep things under $250, I still have money left over from my own aguinaldo to put towards debt...

Well, I'm better now that the loan has been approved...but, now my sister is staying up all night wondering about what to do with her debts...of course, it doesn't help that her ex-husband keeps dumping the children's expenses on her (he just makes some lame excuse and doesn't give her any money....what is she supposed to do, just let my niece go without school?..no, of course she pays for it...then again, I've always said: sue the idiot! Even if you don't get much, at least you'll have the satisfaction of having done SOMETHING about it!)...It also doesn't help that he does give the children lots of stuff (shoes and clothes for my niece, for example, but, not school clothes or shoes....or $$$ to go to concerts and things like that!)...AND it definetely doesn't help (and this is one of the things that she COULD help!) that she constantly feels that she has to "match" him and not just be the one that provides necessities...so, she ALSO gives them a lot of stuff - wants, not needs! - my niece has about 40 pairs of shoes, of which she wears mostly 5 pairs....this is EXCLUDING school shoes!...consequently, my niece really doesn't believe that "there's no money" ...Point in case? my niece NEEDS to go to the orthodoncist for a follow up visit...there's no money for that, but, her dad just gave her a $25 ticket to see DJ Paul Van Dyk and my sister gave her a $25 ticket to go see Ricky Martin....YES, I understand that those things ARE more important to a 16-year-old than braces, but, shouldn't the grown ups act maturely and NOT just give in to the teenagers' view of the world??...my sister also acts like this because, growing up, her own teenage years were "the best of her life" because my parents had money back then and all she had to do was wish for something and it would "magically" appear....it's stupid, if you ask me!...she sort of uses the same "logic" on my daughter - another disadvantage to living with her! - but, I manage to curb it - I'm the mom, I have the last word!...I'm sure glad that alejandra has a better grip on the money situation (at age 5!) than my niece at age 16!...The sad thing is, of course, that my niece is being taught NOTHING about handling money (other than how to spend it, of course!)...the other day, my sis was crying because she was desperate and my niece just said: Chill out, mom, don't be overdramatic (this, from the Drama Queen herself!), it's not like you REALLY don't have money!....she lives in Fantasyland....Some days, I wish I could just slap some sense into (both of) them!...my sister is getting to the point where her credit cards are catching up with her (been there, done that!), which is the point where you are using the credit cards to stretch your salary from one payday to the next, but, then finding that you have to use almost all of the money you get to pay for the credit card, just so you have enough credit available for your next grocery bill!...OUCH!...Right now, I'm living paycheque to paycheque and, I know a lot of people think I'm stingy because I never have more than $5 in my wallet and because I don't even have a debit card...well, there is a very good reason for that: I CANNOT TRUST MYSELF WITH MONEY!!! - at least I recognize that....I used to charge everything on the debit card and then find myself one month behind with rent or, having to apologize to the maid until payday....which just sucks! I mean, I'd make this poor woman wait up to 3 days for her money, when she makes so little, just because I had overspent on WANTS...it's horrible!...so, now I'm counscious of that and work with cheques only - I cash a $45 cheque every week, $40 for the maid and $5 for my lunches...Every payday I withdraw $20 for gas and others...if I'm lucky, the car consumes less than $15 and that gives me $5+ for "fun" money...if not - like last time!- then bad luck!...((sigh)) I know my sis thinks this is a miserable life, but, I sure wish she would see the rewards...which of course, none of us will see in the short term...right now, the advantage is that I'm not creating any more debt, which is not such a "visible" advantage!!

Yesterday was Day of the Dead...it's a national holiday....
We stayed home, and didn't go out...most people go to the cementeries and bring flowers to their dead...some stay for a while and "visit" with their dead...and eat traditional Day of the Dead foods...Yep, we have traditional foods for almost every holiday you can think of!
...My family has never believed in this (visiting)...Grandma always said: while we are living....she meant that we are supposed to spend time and share with our loved ones while they are living, as it is no use going to cry to someone's tomb over what you did/didn't do...So, no day of the dead for us, just a holiday...We will go visit my parents' graves before Xmas, though, as we do want to make sure they are giving them maintenance (no overgrown weeds, plaques in good condition, etc)...

Which is typical for me...my cheque was $206 for the Oct-16 to Oct 31 period....of this, I pay $70 to Alejandra[s school, $40/week for the maid, 1 supermarket (~$40), $15 gas, $5 cell phone, $10 fixed phone line, and about $150 to debt...so that leaves me with $10 until Nov 7th...when I receive the farm money ($750), and from that I pay $30 for the prepaid funeral services, $5 water, $15 electricity, $15 swim lessons and about $650 to pay debts...and then again I'm penniless until the 15th, when I receive $311, of which $158 go to pay the rent, $40 for the supermarket and $10 for gas, $2 for cell phone and about $100 to pay towards debt....
then the cycle begins again....it's really tough, and, I really, really, really need to get out....but, that is why I'm paying so much towards debt, I have plans to get rid of 2 cards by Dec 31, 2005, then "kill" another one in January and a fourth in March....that'll still leave plenty of debt for the next 3 years...especially since the $750 from the farm will stop, so that the payments will have to be greatly reduced (probably will have to go back to minimum payments only- UGH!)...that is, unless I can get that loan from the bank...and they haven't called...they must still be "investigating"...I hate waiting!!!!!

I hate waiting!!!...but, I called the bank exec this morning and she said there were still no news and that the results of the applications are posted once a day, in the mornings....so there'll be no news today....probably tomorrow...she said she'd call me when she has an answer....(in other words, she doesn't want me calling everyday...)

I have discovered that other cc companies ALSO increased the percentage on some of their credit cards...including my Amex!!...it went up by 5 percentage points - OUCH!...good thing I'm scheduled to be done with it by December and, even if it means making a few extra sacrifices, I WILL be rid of it by 31/dec/05!....same thing with my Banco Cuscatlan card (which, fortunately, hasn't raised it's interest rate!!)

I'm starting (teaching) English lessons today....$10/hour and it'll be 2 hours/week...so $20/week...tax free!....this will all go towards debt repayment!!...at least until January...then it'll go half/half into Ale's enrollment fee/debt...I still need to find ways to make more $$$$... or spend a lot less (not likely!....there's not much room to "cut" anymore...except for swimm lessons ($15/month) and we are trying to lower our electricity bill, other than that, it'd have to be the food bill and that's difficult with two growing children in the house!! -can't have THEM on rice and beans for too long!...and, the high gas prices have caused price increases in food (and, of course, even if the gas does go down, the prices at the supermarket will remain at their new levels! ugh!)

On the other hand, I have just seen a book I want to buy - it's a new release: J.J. Benitez' Caballo de Troya 7!!! - I have waited several years for his new book - as has my sister....and I think we will endulge in it!!...Caballo de Troya is GREAT!!...I highly recommend it, although, I know some people might find it offensive, and even heretic...but, you've got to remember it's FICTION... the short-short-short book review: the series deals with the "memoires" of a US military man that went on a secret mission: to travel back in time and follow Jesus and try to find out whether 1. there WAS an historic Jesus and 2. whether He really was of divine nature or not...He has been specifically chosen because he is a non-believer...and, guess what....he BECOMES a believer!...the mission gives several "leaps" in time (two or three, I cannot remember) and, it is soon discovered that time-travel is altering the cells of the time-travelers, making them age at an unnaturally fast rate...it becomes this man's personal mission to record everything he sees and to pass it on to the world- that's why he contacted the author, supposedly- because he's appalled that the evangelists are NOT recording as they go, but that they put their stories on paper until much later...the series of books are a really good read, intellectually challenging, spiritually enhancing - whether you agree or not with the author, it makes you either question or affirm your faith - if you're a Christian, that is....J.J. Benitez was once accused of saying that Jesus was an alien...I remember that interview...he said: NO, I didn't say Jesus was an alien, I said He was NOT OF THIS WORLD, which is an entirely different thing!!...

Anyway, back to $$$ matters, I might buy the book for us....I get a 15% discount on cash purchases at the bookstore that is promoting the book right now....I could list this expense under: spiritual care...or maybe just "mental care"...LOL!...

Speaking of staying healthy, I have decided that I'll bring tea from home for lunch instead of buying a soda, and will use the soda $$ to buy an apple and a banana (soda=$23, apple + banana = $0.25)....moneywise it's almost the same, but healthwise it's a great difference....

Well, gotta go for lunch now....I brought my paella, but need to get my tea and buy my fruit...I also need to walk up to the mall after lunch to pay the phone bill...cannot do it over the internet because last month we paid late, so the invoice does not match the outstanding amount...oh, joy!

but then, NOT taking care of yourself can be even MORE expensive!!...I spent $12 in vitamins yesterday (I am now taking a multivitamin, a calcium supplement and vitamin C)...and spent $19 in enterntainment, to attend a friend's birthday...(i could have spent less if I hadn't had dinner there...)...I had a lot of fun and got to relax and be around GROWN UPS...REAL grown ups...(not the "legally adult" people I see at the office!...I mean, they are "adults" that, for the most part, are ~10 years younger than I am, living with their parents, they don't pay rent, food, utilities, all their money is for themselves...most only pay gas, as the cars were given to them by their parents as graduation gifts, so....NO, they are not "real" grown ups....)...we gathered for drinks at around 7, and sis and I left at around 8:30pm...so I didn't have to pay extra money to the nanny...

so, yesterday I spent a total of $21 in "maintenance"!! LOL!...But, I cannot afford to let this "machinery" (me!) break down!, can I??...and, well, the vitamins will last 1 month and the fun....well, that one'll have to last a bit longer!!...

so we are suffering through her attempts! LOL!...I will have to tell her she has to mix ingredients better...today, I packed some of the meatballs she made for dinner yesterday (I had a soup and did not try them)...half of one was good, the other half was almost pure pepper!....
and, about a week ago, I tried a stew she had made...it was good, until I came to a spoonful that had half of an undissolved bouillon cube....ack! super-salty and I just couldn't continue eating after that!...when she doesn't use any condiments (like when she cooks for DD) she's much better...and then, it's way easier to ADD stuff than take out!...I'm taking all those leftover meatballs and turning them into a bolognese sauce tonight!...might have to add sugar to get rid of all the pepper!!

That being said: I totally support her efforts!

Ale is sick again...visit to the Dr.: $25, blood tests: $10.50 ...medicines (I couldn't get ALL of them): $19.41....(to get them all would have been about $50...)

The good news is: it's not dengue - she already had that and the second time around it turns hemorragic...
She has to stay home, in bed.... ((sigh))....she's going to be mad at missing the Children's Day party at school this Friday, especially since they were going to get to bring their favorite toy, and she had hers already picked out!...oh, well... I HAD to take out the Barbie outfits that I had bought her for Xmas (3X $1.50!), so she has more things to occupy her, and made a bunch of print outs for her to color and work on her letters and numbers at home...

this week, I get 4 days off due national holidays...I have planned to take DD to the fair (total cost should be about $10) one day, and, have to take her to see the Fantastic 4 (her "prize" for last week for not sucking her thumbs all week...should be able to do that in the morning, so it should be about $6 for both of us)....Other than that, I have planned to stay home and de-clutter...some clothes will go to charity and, will see if there are any books that I might be willing to part with to take to the next flea market...DD needs to take a good look at her toys and see what SHE wants to take to the flea market... I want to finish painting my room (I have the paint, I need to borrow a ladder!)...and, have planned to do crafts and painting sessions with DD...all with materials we already have at the house...
Oh, and, tomorrow, I have to take a (new) real estate agent to the apt...apparently, she has someone that is just "dying" for an apartment for herself (the apt is ideal for 1 or, even for a couple without children...) Please, include the sale of my apt in your prayers!!

Sis is doing better, but still has to stay at home for 2 more weeks...It is always more expensive when one person stays in all day...(since she can't go out yet, she's either reading, watching TV or eating...and the fan is on 24/7... the heat is unbearable!!...this is so unusual at this time of the year, I'm afraid we'll have another earthquake!)

I'm planning on going home early tonight....perhaps even leave at 5??

The apt is up for sale again...sent a group e-mail to all my friends to let them know so they can forward it to their friends, in case anyone is interested...

I have a 3-day holiday next week...I have decided a great part of that time will be spent at home, de-cluttering and organizing...I have already told DD...I already have an action plan!...

So much to do this week...we have another training (creating and giving new trainings for other dept's of the company is one of our major KPI's) starting tomorrow...guess who's in charge of the logistics! (although, technically, there is someone in charge of logistics, I do the actual grunt work!-yuck!)...and I'm fighting IT over delivery of the PC's I need!!

Oh, well....gotta go! ((sigh))

The bank did not authorize the loan to our buyer...the apt is back on the market! ((sigh)) ...I am praying that we get a new buyer soon, and that we get a better price for it... In the meantime, I'm fielding calls from creditors once again...((sigh)) ...DD is going to "preparatoria" in the fall, which is more expensive than Kindergarten (without being as expensive as a "real" school)...I am in serious need of cash...
my sister's health insurance has said that they will NOT cover the amount needed for her colon operation...the company has agreed to lend her the $1,600 at no interest but, they will discount $150/month from her salary!!...she could use the SSI hospital again, but, honestly, they have the best machines, but the most overworked doctors and nureses...it's not a place you want to go to have someone operate on you (they have a history of taking out the wrong kidney, amputating the wrong leg, leaving sponges and gauze inside of you and the like!)...going there for MRI's and CAT Scans is one thing, letting them open you up is a whole other one!!
We'll see what happens in the end!

Well,
my sister decided to go to the private practice of the Chief of Neurology of the Social Security Institute...it cost her $30, but was really, really worth it! He took the time to explain all the exams, he put her back on treatment (which the chief epidemiologist at the SSI had discontinued!) and gave her referrals to the SSI for more tests...He will continue to see her at the SSI but, now she feels confident enough to call him any time she feels something's weird! (after all, now she's HIS patient)...so, things with her are going well...
Her ex decided he's not taking my niece with him to the US after all (she's got the papers, but he "hadn't realized what a hassle it would be to enroll her in school"...duh! did he think he was going to show up with her, say "here she is" and they'd assign her a desk in 10th grade??) But, he will only pay for her tuition here, not for her living expenses, so money will be a little tighter...
The apartment deal still hasn't gone through. We highly suspect the bank doesn't trust our buyer to be able to repay the loan....Fine! just say: "NO" and let's move on! We have given them (Bank and buyer) until the 15th...if we haven't received our money by then, the apt goes back on the market on the 16th! - my b-day, incidentally! ((sigh)) we'll see what happens!
Work has been crazy, all of last week I arrived home between 9:00 and 10:00pm! (and, remember I don't get paid overtime!)...so, my goal for this week is to leave here before 6:30 (I've been leaving at 6:15) no matter what! (the workload HAS decreased, I did finish updating a presentation and updating some manuals, and also inputting the data from the trainings' feedback forms! so that has left me again with only my "normal" administrative duties!)
I have called a friend of mine in the US and will try to go into business with her...we have done this before, while we were both living here, and I think I have a good idea that could be profitable for us both...we'll see...
Am having trouble again paying debts, mainly because I got 2 cc's to the point where they weren't in default anymore, and this awoke a 3rd cc that had been idle in their collections efforts for about 3 months, thereby giving me a respite...((sigh)) I'm fielding calls again...
This month, I have to renew my car registration card ($30) and my US visa ($115)...I think I will renew the visa after August vacation....
The car....well, I went through a whole week of carrying a gallon of water around and re-filling the radiator twice a day....and then, just like that, one day it didn't heat up anymore! - which is really good news, it just annoys me that I don't know what happened!
DD is still in therapy, now we are working on her sucking her middle and ring fingers...I think this will be the last month....She goes on vacation in 2 weeks and I'm thinking of NOT putting her back in therapy after her summer break...that's a savings of $60/month!

They asked me if I knew someone that might come to work for a short period (6 to 8 weeks), part-time only, and I suggested my cousin...they didn't even consider anybody else! (which is kind of lucky, because, she's 44 and weighs about 200 lb, and, people here in ES don't like to hire women over 40, especially if they don't look like models!) I think what they liked the most is that she speaks English, so our Project manager won't have to struggle or get someone to be with her whenever they discuss things...also, she will be handling documents both in Spanish and English, so that means the English part of the job does not have to be delegated to me or to the other admin, so we are saving resources....woo-hoo! I'm happy for her! - finally some good news for our family!
With what she'll be making, she can pay for her house and her car loan without problem,and, since she has the afternoons free, she can still go out and sell clothes and all the other stuff she sells. She'll probably have to be a lot more time efficient, but, she could end up making pretty good money these months, which would greatly release the financial strain on her! She starts on Monday...

I HATE IT!!! I'm sooooo mad at everybody at the moment...they think I'm a machine or something, they give me so much to do, and they don't mind if I say NO, they just give it to me anyway and pout and go talk to my boss about it!!...and, at home, with my sister unable to help, I'm practically the weekend maid!! I HATE IT!!!...on top of everything, there's never enough money...
To my normal workload, add the fact that my hard-drive "died" and had to be replaced...they managed to save most of it...except my .pst folders in OUtlook...where I happened to have a LOT of critical information!!...aaaaargh!!...lost forever, is what they tell me!!...so, now I have to scrape and ask for info that I used to have right at my fingertips!
I'm going nuts, I'm really, honestly, truly going nuts here!... I need a break...some kind of break...As it turns out, my level of satisfaction with my life, on a scale 5-10, with 5 being "sucks" and 10 being "perfect", it looks like this:

Family : 6 (DD "boosts" the score! so you can imagine!) With my sister sick, I'm chauffer, messenger, administrator, cook, maid and even provide moral support (who's giving ME moral support??)
Spiritual: 6 - have not had a prayer meeting/attended my praying workshop in ages!!
Work: -3....right now, I like my job, I just hate everyone around me!!
Physical: 6 - I'm not exercising, I'm not eating too well, I'm always tired...I try to get 3 meals a day, though, and remind myself to breathe often!
Financial: - do I REALLY need to score it?? or can you guess? -4 Creditors keep calling and things seem to be looking down, rather than up, lately!

Ever wonder why I never speak of a significant other?? Well, I don't have one and, at the moment, it seems like I will never have one...why? 1.I'm always working, so unless they start hiring some grown-ups, there's no chance (believe me, the age difference and mind-set difference is abysmal!)...plus, it'd have to be someone that likes children...2. I look like sh*t at the moment..yes, I always look tired, my hair is a mess (no time/energy/money to actually do something about it) ...and, no, I can't go out...it's too expensive for me right now....even if I go to "free" events, I have to pay childcare after 9:00pm, so...

The scores might change tomorrow, but, today, I hate my life!!

when it rains, it pours...how does that saying go?...the latest news is that my sister has been diagnosed with neurocystercircosis (sp??)...basically, an illness that is endemic in our countries which you can get from eating pork or from eating raw veggies that have not been hygienically (sp?) handled...the eggs of a parasite enter your body and make their way to your stomach (cysstercircosis) and, if untreated, will make their way to your brain (hence the neuro....)....they have caught it at an early stage (so we ARE lucky, after all!) ...they are affecting her motor skills...((shudder)) she's lost fine motor skills on her whole right side...so they are giving her medicine to kill off those things and are doing a series of CAT-scans...luckily, all that is covered under the Social Security medical thing...plus, they have the best equipment anyway...but, it means she has to go on disability for 30 days..and, that means that the company she works for is not obliged to pay her salary (by law), and that she will have to collect it from the social security....now, there would be no problem with this, except, the SS does NOT recognize any salaries above $690/month....so, eventhough she makes more than that, she's only entitled to $690 from the SS (minus income tax and pension fund discounts!!)...she'll get ~$400 max!!
...I already told her she'll have to pick the most important expenses vs the most urgent ones, and, pay the important ones...(my niece's school, my nephew's re-hab center fees, food..)...even if that means calls from creditors!!
In the meantime, I'm in charge of the house/children (not paying for it, but overseeing it as the sole adult in our "clan"!)....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!

I don't know....today I feel very discouraged...I seem to be putting a lot of effort into this frugality thing, and into paying debts, and it somehow feels like I make no progress...I still can't get to the point where my accounts are current, so I keep paying hundreds of Dollars and yet the debt diminishes at ridiculously slow rates (like $5 or $10 per card per month)...I know things won't get better until I manage to bring everything up to date, because past-due interest is eating away at anything I pay...I wish I could just tell the collectors to drop dead and rot in hell...but, they are only doing their job...I wish I could tell the cc companies to drop dead and rot in hell but: a) they cannot "drop dead"...they're companies...and b) it IS my own fault!! ....I don't regret it, because none of THIS debt is for sumptuous or luxury items...all this was incurred while trying to give my parents a decent living -not even the lifestyle to which they were accostumed, just decent - so I don't regret it...but it really scares me, because I have seen and suffered what happens when you don't save for the future...and I don't want Ale to have to go through what I went through with my parents...but, the way things are right now (not enough money to even pay debts, let alone for saving for the future!)...that's where we are headed...and it really worries me...ties my stomach up in knots and makes me want to cry....and, every time I seem to be making some progress (next month I will have $50 "more" when I finally pay for a small personal loan here at work), something happens that throws me back into the hole, like my car breaking down TWICE in the same month...or, the latest one: my sis is sick and needs surgery...that'll be about $1,200 which she doesn't have... ....a lot of my friends counsel me to stay out of it, if she doesn't have it, it's HER problem...but, the way we were raised, if someone in your immediate family has a problem, the FAMILY has a problem and everyone should pitch in to help...it is extremely difficult to go against something like this...so, I have discussed it with my sister and, if she can't get the $1,200 as a loan from her company, I will end up re-financing that debt ($500) to help her and she will be the one paying the installments...you'd think this won't affect me, but it does, because I had planned to re-finance the debt in October, when they give you "school loans", because I could get $700 (instead of $500) without a co-signer...which I would have applied towards cc debt...(these loans have a much lower interest rate....although the time to repay is shorter...which means you pay more or less the same...but get out in less time and end up paying less)...I HATE it when things like these happen...Some days, I wish I could just win the lottery or something...

I uploaded my resume at Dell...they are looking for an assistant to the recruiters...they are paying between $1,200 and $1,900/ month....I'm currently making $800/ month....so it WOULD make a difference (not a huge one, though, because income tax varies according to how much you earn, so right now I pay about $200/ month, and at those salaries I'd probably pay between $400-$500 per month)...but, still, at $1,200 I'd get to keep about $800, whereas now I get to keep ~$600....Please send good vibes my way!!....I could ask for a raise here but, they do warn you up front when they hire you not to ask - I know that my boss, personally, thinks this policy to be total crap, and maybe he could do something, but, still, they probably wouldn't let him give me more than 10% (policy is a maximum of 5%) and that would only put me in the next earning bracket for tax purposes, which means my effective raise would be about $20/month! (after taxes)....((sigh))

Why does life have to be so difficult!
Yesterday, we were watching a movie and Ale asked about what had become of a woman who had just had a child, and I said: she left with her husband
- TOGETHER? why'd they leave together??
- er, that's what husbands are for...
- how come you don't have a husband? You DON'T have one, do you?
-Er, no, I don't, you see...
-Oh, I see, I bet it takes money to have a husband!
-well, no. Not necessarily
-Then why don't you have one? what does it take?
-Baby, if I knew, I'd HAVE one!!

This motherhood thing just keeps getting more and more difficult!! ((sigh))

She asked yesterday why I hadn't included a tin of Nesquick for her milk (she likes plain milk, but loves it with Nesquick, either chocolate or strawberry)...so I said I hadn't been able to find it at the store...which is not true, I just forgot I had promised to buy a small one...so I went to the supermarket downstairs today and actually looked for it!...it took me a while to find it, they keep it in the lowest shelf (I'm guessing this is not one of their fastest-moving products here, being a "commercial" district...most people shop for small things, mostly for lunch...) ...Anyway, I found it, and brought my tin to the cashier and, after I paid for it, she gave me another one!! (I had bought a strawberry one, and she gave me a chocolate one! yipeee!!...) so, I saved $1.08 and DD has 2 tins instead of one!!
If it weren't for the stupid car breaking down (again!), this would have been a great week for savings!! ((sigh))

Money is going to be tight next month, too...Sis has to be operated on, and it has to be done this week....it's minor, to be done at the Dr's office, but, still, it will cost $800....and her insurance only covers 70% of it...and she has to pay in full first, and then process a reimbursement, so we need to get the money and then wait about 3 weeks to get it back...she's asked her company for a loan, they would get the insurance money in 3 weeks, and she would pay the rest out of her salary in installments...but they still haven't said anything, so we are trying to work on alternate solutions...

Monday - $2.50 / lunch (I forgot my lunch in my sister's car! ugh! how stupid can one get??)
Tuesday - $60.90 / groceries **
Wednesday- $50.00 / car repair (again! the water pump this time! aaaargh!)
Thursday- $5.00 / gas
Friday- $14.63 / clothes for DD (1 pj, 1 t-shirt & pants set, 1 t-shirt)
Saturday - $2.50 / fruit at the market place- watermelon, papaya and plums
Sunday - $1.50/ goodies at the flea market (went there to sell some things)

**my cousin has found a great meat supplier: the meat is tender and very high quality, and, about $0.70/lb less than the supermarket....these people sell to the hotels and restaurants only, but the owner of the place is a friend of my cousin's family, who heard about the hard times she's going through and decided to help her!...so, he is allowing her to buy the meat at cost, and has also not restricted the amount that she buys, which means she can buy it to re-sell and make a profit.... She also got us Quaker bagged cereals at $0.50 a bag...I saw them on sale at the supermarket and they were $1.83....We help each other out in any way we can...not much of a safety net, being as broke as we are...but...

Just when I thought I'd be able to pay a little more on my credit cards, the car had to break down....I hate it!!...every time I think things will get better, I get slammed with something like this!!...
oh, well....((sigh))...yesterday, I went and dropped off the documents for re-financing one of my debts (they called and offered it, they KNOW I can't pay, so they are willing to bundle all their debt into one, at a lower interest rate, just to get their money back....I hope this goes through!)
Also yesterday, I got a phone call from another cc company, they are offering to consider my accounts "current" (as opposed to past due) if I can make consecutive payments in the next two months (I have been paying them every other month!, so that I can pay for other debts...kinda keep everything in the 30-60 day past due range)...
we'll see how it goes...I just wish the apartment would finally sell, that would really make a difference!!

Today, the nanny came home crying...her 15 year old daughter dropped off her grand-daughter (yes, she had a baby at 14!) at her home and left, supposedly "for good", and said that, if she (the nanny) didn't take the baby, she (daughter) would just give it away to someone else....I just got a phone call, it was the nanny, the daughter came back and said she regrets having left the baby...I told her to keep her at home for today and tell her to wait until I got there. I will try to talk to her...she's just a kid, and she got wooed by this creep - who, of course, has a new girlfriend now! - who even took her to his home and everything....he painted the "ever after" story in such rosy tones...now, of course, he kicked her out of the house....to think she left school (she was doing really well, and wanted to become a nurse) for this guy, makes me sick!....If she stays, nanny will have to take care of her AND the baby....as if she didn't have enough problems trying to raise her other 2 daughters!! (ages 17 and 10)...

There are witnesses....the puppy CAN open the fridge door!! ...she can also open the front door (how freaky is THAT!)...Here are the tricks: 1. she nudges the seal on the bottom of the fridge door with her nose....2. the front door lock is not 100% ok (thanks to my nephew, back in our nightmarish era when he was doing drugs and used to sneak into the house at night to see what he could steal!)...and if you push the bottom of the door at a certain point, the door "bounces" back and the lock clicks open (unless the key is in the lock and the bolt is turned, which we only do at night, this is an enclosed neighborhood!)...
so, public apologies to my sis are in order!!

Of course, knowing that the puppy is THAT smart means that she CAN learn, only she REFUSES to learn what we want to teach her!! (As per my cousin, it also means she is a direct descentant of velociraptors!!)

my sis keeps leaving the fridge door open in the mornings!!...she just takes something out and throws it "close" while turning away from it...I've talked to her about it...she swears it isn't true... Apart from the normal trouble this would cause, add the presence of our puppy, and you have a recipe for disaster...yesterday, she got a pack of sausages!!...today, again the door was open when I came down...my sister claims the puppy has learned to open the fridge door...(it's a small fridge, you have to pull on a handle that is about 3.5 feet from the floor to open it...my puppy is a maltese/cocker mix...she'll never be big enough to reach it!!)...I tell her, if this were true, every Sunday, when we go out to CREA, we would find the fridge raided (the puppy stays on her own for 6+ hours!!)...plus, I SAW her (my sis) the other day...plus, she really is one of those people who don't function well in the mornings...I mean, she comes back from dropping off my niece at school and she looks like she can barely keep her eyes open!!
What can I do?? (you'd think it would be easier to condition the puppy NOT to take things out of the fridge??)
the joys of house-sharing!!!

Yet another advantage to the new cellphone company: they have alliances with a chain of movie theaters, so for each $10 in cards that you buy, afterwards, just by presenting the cards at the movie theather, you get a 2X1 offer (so I can take DD to the movies and only pay for my ticket!) and you can also redeem them for goodies (popcorn and soda!)...so, that'll be one thing, DD wants to go see Robots...instead of $10 that our trip to the movies usually costs, I can do it for about $5.00!
On Thursday, my cousin and I want to go to the beach...that'll cost about $20 ($10 each, including gas and food)...
Then, either on Friday or Saturday we (DD and I) will go to my best friend's house, to cook a pizza for the 4 of us (best friend + DS)...my cousin got me a crust directly from the factory, at $0.40. We have to add the sauce and the cheese!
And, basically, that will be it, as I only have Wednesday afternoon (movies) and then Thu (beach) , Fri (M's house)and the weekend (Saturday to rest and Sunday going to CREA, as usual!)

It will be an expensive week (around $30 more than our "usual" weeks, but, we get to do this sort of thing only about 3 or 4 times a year! - how sad is that?!)

first off, thanks to all for your kind messages.
We are adjusting.
As I wrote, money-wise Mom's passing means that the money she was getting will come to us (the deal was arranged in such a way that we do not have to receive inheritance or anything, so there won't be any delays in the payments she was receiving), so that will help in two ways: 1. the obvious, we'll be able to use it to pay debts and 2. we will not have to figure out what to do (how to get more money) to support Mom after Jan 2006, which is when the payments will stop.
I really have to thank God that Mom did not have to suffer financially again (Dad was already worried about the money issue, Mom lived in the "now" and it was from her that we got the "spend it while you have it" attitude...she had already lived through phases of not being able to buy everything she wanted, and it was very hard on her...)
I know this sounds hard, and I apologize if anyone feels offended...it was certainly not my intention. But, this is a new framework for me, and i feel that I need to state it...maybe to make it more "real"...
In 2-3 months I will finally be up-do-date with all my creditors (even without selling the apartment, which is still in the works), and I won't have to choose which bills to pay...in the remaining 9-10 months, I will be able to reduce my debt, so that, hopefully, by the time the payments stop, I will be able to handle debt reduction on my own...Life will be a lot easier, although I plan continue living just as if nothing had happened, the extra stress of choosing which bills to pay and of fielding creditor calls will be gone...

it still seems sort of unreal...I'm an orphan now!...I guess what they say is true: couples that have stayed together for so long cannot bear to live apart, so once one of the partners goes, the other one soon follows...
we couldn't even have a wake for mom, because, since the last "event" had been so recent (68 days), we hadn't paid enough money to cover for it, and would have had to pay $800 to have a wake...it just seems so wrong...
We had to pay $4oo+ as it was...luckily, the company I work for offers aid for these cases, and I got $400, so what we had to pay was really not much...
Another cause for grief was that the cementary wanted to charge $170 for a plaque...for dad's we paid $60!!...less than 3 months before!!!...leeches!...my unit will pay for it... my boss was just appalled!