I don't know....today I feel very discouraged...I seem to be putting a lot of effort into this frugality thing, and into paying debts, and it somehow feels like I make no progress...I still can't get to the point where my accounts are current, so I keep paying hundreds of Dollars and yet the debt diminishes at ridiculously slow rates (like $5 or $10 per card per month)...I know things won't get better until I manage to bring everything up to date, because past-due interest is eating away at anything I pay...I wish I could just tell the collectors to drop dead and rot in hell...but, they are only doing their job...I wish I could tell the cc companies to drop dead and rot in hell but: a) they cannot "drop dead"...they're companies...and b) it IS my own fault!! ....I don't regret it, because none of THIS debt is for sumptuous or luxury items...all this was incurred while trying to give my parents a decent living -not even the lifestyle to which they were accostumed, just decent - so I don't regret it...but it really scares me, because I have seen and suffered what happens when you don't save for the future...and I don't want Ale to have to go through what I went through with my parents...but, the way things are right now (not enough money to even pay debts, let alone for saving for the future!)...that's where we are headed...and it really worries me...ties my stomach up in knots and makes me want to cry....and, every time I seem to be making some progress (next month I will have $50 "more" when I finally pay for a small personal loan here at work), something happens that throws me back into the hole, like my car breaking down TWICE in the same month...or, the latest one: my sis is sick and needs surgery...that'll be about $1,200 which she doesn't have... ....a lot of my friends counsel me to stay out of it, if she doesn't have it, it's HER problem...but, the way we were raised, if someone in your immediate family has a problem, the FAMILY has a problem and everyone should pitch in to help...it is extremely difficult to go against something like this...so, I have discussed it with my sister and, if she can't get the $1,200 as a loan from her company, I will end up re-financing that debt ($500) to help her and she will be the one paying the installments...you'd think this won't affect me, but it does, because I had planned to re-finance the debt in October, when they give you "school loans", because I could get $700 (instead of $500) without a co-signer...which I would have applied towards cc debt...(these loans have a much lower interest rate....although the time to repay is shorter...which means you pay more or less the same...but get out in less time and end up paying less)...I HATE it when things like these happen...Some days, I wish I could just win the lottery or something...

I uploaded my resume at Dell...they are looking for an assistant to the recruiters...they are paying between $1,200 and $1,900/ month....I'm currently making $800/ month....so it WOULD make a difference (not a huge one, though, because income tax varies according to how much you earn, so right now I pay about $200/ month, and at those salaries I'd probably pay between $400-$500 per month)...but, still, at $1,200 I'd get to keep about $800, whereas now I get to keep ~$600....Please send good vibes my way!!....I could ask for a raise here but, they do warn you up front when they hire you not to ask - I know that my boss, personally, thinks this policy to be total crap, and maybe he could do something, but, still, they probably wouldn't let him give me more than 10% (policy is a maximum of 5%) and that would only put me in the next earning bracket for tax purposes, which means my effective raise would be about $20/month! (after taxes)....((sigh))

Why does life have to be so difficult!
Yesterday, we were watching a movie and Ale asked about what had become of a woman who had just had a child, and I said: she left with her husband
- TOGETHER? why'd they leave together??
- er, that's what husbands are for...
- how come you don't have a husband? You DON'T have one, do you?
-Er, no, I don't, you see...
-Oh, I see, I bet it takes money to have a husband!
-well, no. Not necessarily
-Then why don't you have one? what does it take?
-Baby, if I knew, I'd HAVE one!!

This motherhood thing just keeps getting more and more difficult!! ((sigh))